Digimon Adventure S01E30

-CONTENT WARNING-
adults with questionable motives for picking up hitch-hiking children

Finally on their way home, the DigiDestined face their greatest challenge yet: the public transportation system. The subway easily decimates their forces as they are fully unprepared to handle babies, small children, or their own somnolence, and the team becomes separated. Thanks to a helpful sample-out-hander, the team is reunited, but their funds have been depleted by mass transit’s wiles.

They attempt to recover their funds as public spectacles on the side of the road, but they only manage to attract the assistance of Sora’s worst cousin, who drives them to a bridge. There, they find Gesomon conducting a practice inspection as part of his Health Department training. Their second attempt at public spectacle with him succeeds, but they manage to draw only a crowd of entirely bad tippers. Downtrodden and destitute, they recruit Ikkakumon to swim them back home, leaving Sora’s cousin to go fuck himself.

When reporting to Myotismon that the kids are back in the Real World, and that the eighth child hasn’t been found yet, DemiDevimon keeps talking over the shots of his comrades searching, which he did not in the original.

No dialogue.
DemiDevimon: “If the kid’s anywhere to be found, we’ll find him. We’re looking everywhere: air, land, and sea! We’ve got it covered, no problem!”

Vamdemon: “The children must also be looking for the eighth child. Hurry! We mustn’t let the children get ahead of us!”
Myotismon: “Meanwhile, we are not the only ones looking for him, are we? You dolt! Make sure that those children don’t find him first.”

Myotismon, we need to have a talk about how you address your staff…

---

[Meanwhile, the Chosen Children have arrived at the subway station]
Taichi: “If [the eighth child] isn’t in Hikarigaoka, we should hurry up and look elsewhere. If we waste time here, Vamdemon will get ahead of us!”
Mimi: “But… Couldn’t they just be playing around somewhere else?”
Koushirou: “No, I don’t think so. The other connection we have…”
Sora: “We all moved from Hikarigaoka?”
Koushirou: “Yes. If that’s not a coincidence, then we can expect that the eighth child has also moved.”
Taichi: “So, the eighth child is in Odaiba?”
Koushirou: “That’s very possible.”
Mimi: “I want to go home!”
Taichi: “All right! Anyway, let’s return to Odaiba!”
Mimi: “Can we get a snack before we go looking?”
Tai: “There’s no time. We’ve got to get to Odaiba and find that eighth kid before somebody else does!”
Mimi: “How will we get there? Do you think there are any fast food places along the way?”
Tai: “Would you knock it off about the food? Anyway, we’ve only got enough money for our subway tickets.”

Tai has traded his title of Team Bully in for that of Team Dad, but unfortunately, he’s a neglectful father who starves his children.

O-die-WHAT?! That’s right: Odaiba! Unless it’s like New Orleans, where everyone from there just runs the words together, and he’s really saying “Holy Dive-ah”, the name of the district in which they live is retained in all its not-English glory!

Joe: “Subway? Oh, well, my parents won’t let me ride the subway by myself.”
Tai: “You’re not by yourself. Now come on.”

And Tai’s your new parent. Get going.

Mimi: “Are subways like regular trains? I mean, do they have snack cars?”
Tai: “Just drop it!! And stick together, everybody; it can get kind of confusing down here.”

Tai sounds cranky. He should probably eat something.

[Checking out the Metro map]
Jou: “Um… the fastest way to get to Odaiba…”
Mimi: “There are so many routes, I just don’t know!”
Joe: “I just hope Myotismon has as much trouble reading this map as I do.”
Mimi: “Okay, what do we do now? Besides starve to death?”

Joe, for fuck’s sake… MYOTISMON CAN’T READ.

Okay, are we in full-on “it’s Japan” mode now? Izzy reads off all the stops with their Japanese names, even doing so-so on the pronunciation (American accent considered). He botches ‘Maranouchi’ by rhyming the ‘ou’ with “you” (‘Mara-noo-chi’) when the ‘no’ and ‘u’ should be pronounced separately (‘Mara-no-uchi’). He also shortens Nakano-sakaue (Nakano Hilltop) to “Nakano” and pronounces it rather nasally, so it sounds like “Nagano”. He does fine otherwise.

He also leaves off the last leg of their route, which is to take the Yurikamome railway to Odaiba. I bet they’re wishing they hadn’t extorted their teacher into dropping them off in Hikarigaoka now!

---

Incidentally, that is a real map of the Tokyo Metro Network! It’s changed since 1999, of course, so their route isn’t the fastest anymore. How’s that for a little look into the past? Have a crappy composite image of the map (included in this comparison because I’m a nerd):

Speaking of the past: enjoy my crappy, ancient HTML/javascript mouse-over showing their planned route!

https://www.tokyometro.jp/en/subwaymap/index.html
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yurikamome

[Jou and Sora explain to the Digimon that they need to pretend to be toys, and they can’t talk or move]
Pyokomon: “It’s much better to be carried around by Sora anyway!”
Sora: “I just said not to move!”
Yokomon: “Here’s an idea: I’ll be one of those dolls you told me about – the kind where you squeeze them and they go ‘wah wah wah WAH’!”
Sora: “Be a doll that doesn’t talk! Like, always.“

---

[When they’re underground and they hear the train coming and the speaker over the PA]
Koromon: “What’s that sound?”
Tsunomon: “Isn’t that a Digimon’s voice?”
Koromon: “What? Where’d that voice come from?”
Tsunomon: “You heard it? Then it’s not just inside my head!”

Not that one, anyway.

[Inside the train after Tsunomon’s head voice told them both to jump on the tracks to certain doom, but they failed to achieve said doom somehow]
Taichi: “You had me worried!” *gentle punch*
Tai: “We can’t take you guys anywhere!” *gentle punch*

Tell me about it…

---

The woman Sora offers her seat to tries to reason with her enormous baby in the dub:

“Huh? Oh. Thank you. Wasn’t that nice of the girl? We’ve been on our feet all day, haven’t we?” [yeah Sora’s been on her feet for FIVE MONTHS, you clown]

“Huh? Oh, what are you doing now? No… No, no, honey, let go now. That’s the girl’s toy. Come on. Honey!”

“Oh, come on, honey, let go of the girl’s toy before you break it. Honey!”

In the original, she is more than aware that babies are unreasonable and doesn’t waste her time trying to negotiate with it.

---

[Pyokomon has been pushed beyond the breaking point and takes matters into her own han– uh… radish tentacles?]
LONG, awkward silence as Sora stands with mouth agape.
Sora: “I guess my toy didn’t like when you pulled on it…”

Again: baby. Cannot be reasoned with.

The doofy-looking kid who felt the need to point out that Pyokomon talked, bereft of any adult to tell him, “Yeah, it’s 1999. They do that now. Sit down, you idiot,” is voiced by Izzy’s voice actor, Mona Marshall, so he sounds like Izzy doing a slightly deeper voice.

[Sora comes up with a save!]
Sora: “That must have hurt! You poor thing! There, there.” *whispers to Pyokomon* “Okay, go along with what I say!” *aloud* “But that baby must really like you, Pyokomon!”
Pyokomon: “Really?”
Sora: “Really! So forgive him, okay?”
Sora: “Ha, it worked! All that practice is paying off! Fooled ’em, didn’t we?” *to Yokomon* “Hush! Just keep quiet and play along!” *aloud* “Come on! The baby pulled your hair because he likes you, that’s all!”
Yokomon: “…”
Sora: “…” *whispers* “Say something!”
Yokomon: “You told me to keep quiet!”
Sora: “OH MY COD”
Yokomon: “Oh, really?”
Sora: “There’s no reason to bite the poor thing’s head off!”

Disagree.

---

In the dub, the doofy-looking kid threatens to start screaming at the top of his Izzy-sounding lungs if he doesn’t get a Pyokomon toy. His father understands what’s at stake and acquiesces.

Then, like son, like father, he’s a complete ass about asking her where she got it!

Ass dad: “It’s not that hard a question, is it? Come on! You’ll be doing me a big favor! Where did you find it?”

Dude, that toy clearly hasn’t been washed in ages! It was months ago – give her a minute!

Then I guess the editor finally gets back from the bathroom and protects our delicate eyes from some kanji for the first time in this kanji-filled episode.

So delicate.

Trivia: original Sora claimed she found Pyokomon at the “Nerima Daikon Department Store” – daikon being a type of radish. I point this out because Pyokomon resembles a radish, and it’s a cute little joke.

Dub Sora just says it’s the Nerima Department Store, which probably is a real place staffed by several soon-to-be-confused retail workers, which is less of a cute joke.

---

Also in the dub, the subway train sounds its horn as it gets moving again. Get behind the white line, you rubes!

[All other passengers have departed the train at the Nerima stop]
Taichi: “I didn’t know what was going to happen!”
Jou: “What’s the Nerima Daikon Department Store?”
Sora: “No idea…”
Tai: “Pretty weird how nuts that kid went over Yokomon…” [RIGHT?!]
Joe: “If we don’t find the eighth child, we could go into the–“
Sora: “Toy business?”
Joe: “Well, I was going to say morgue, but sure. Toy business.”

The editor should have grabbed some coffee on their way back from the bathroom:

Nakano-sakaue was shortened to Nakano in the dub, and they did not explain that the full name is Nakano-sakaue.

Now the speaker over the PA is saying “Nakano” with a nasally ‘g’ so it sounds like “Nagano”. Is that Mona Marshall again? We need to check your copy of the script.

---

The dub adds PA Maybe Marshall saying that their stop at Shinjuku is the end of the line, which was true at the time but not announced in the original. The line they were riding, the Oedo Line, now loops around Tokyo, but only the first section up to Shinjuku was open in August 1999, when this episode takes place.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toei_Ōedo_Line

Mimi: “I want to eat a hamburger.”
Sora: “… a hamburger, huh..?”
Yamato: “I feel like I haven’t eaten one in a long time…”
Mimi: “I keep visualizing cheeseburgers without chili and bacon, and I don’t even eat cheeseburgers without chili and bacon, because that’s supposedly what I ordered in my castle five episodes ago.”
Matt: “It has been a long time since any of us have eaten, and our Digimon get weak when they’re hungry.”

Stopping at that candy store sure seems like a good idea now, doesn’t it?! Fools!

After a long, homesick, and hungry silence, Tai finally relents (“okay…”) and the next scene in the dub is Izzy and Joe looking for a place to eat. Only one problem:

Izzy and Joe were not part of that discussion.

Koushiruo: “Maranouchi Line… There’s a lot here…”
Joe: “This place is a zoo, and not a restaurant in sight!”
Some Random Kid: “I like riding the subway!”

Shut up, kid! No one asked you!

Jou: “All right, everyone! Just stay close to us and…”
Joe: “The first one to see someplace to eat, give a shout, okay? Huh?”
Some Other Random Kid: “Dad, can I get some ice cream?”

No! It’s my ice cream! Who let these kids in here?!

[They can find each other with the Digivices… unless…]
Koushirou: “Oh, yes! If we use this, we can tell where everyone is right away! Huh? Why won’t it react? It worked fine while we were in the Digimon’s world…”
Izzy: “Okay, okay. Don’t panic. As long as we have this, we can always find them. Huh? That’s funny. Why isn’t it working? You think something might have happened to it when we came back to the real world?”

[FLASHBACK TO PREVIOUS EPISODE]

Izzy: “There’s no harm in just letting him take a look at it, Tai.”
Mr. Fujiyama: “I broke it.”

[/FLASHBACK TO PREVIOUS EPISODE]

Jou: “Maybe it broke when we got back to our own world?” *walks away*
Koushirou: “No way…”
[A worker offers them a free sample]
Worker: “If you please!”
[Gomamon noms it]
Worker: *shrieks* O_O
Jou: “This is..! This is a toy! A toy!”
Joe: “All I know is, this is one of the days when everything goes wrong.” *walks away*
Izzy: “Come on!”
[sample time]
Woman: “Free sample!”
[nom]
Woman: *shrieks* O_O
Joe: “Ah! Bad dog! Bad dog!”

You can’t bring your unlicensed goat-dog into the subway!

You’re making life harder for people who need service goat-dogs, you selfish ass!

So Jou, with his laser eyes that can see through glass across the street and from a low angle (to be fair, you could probably see Taichi’s bird’s nest from space), has spotted the other Chosen Children eating at a restaurant outside but near the subway. In the dub, some asinine things (like “yumalicious”) are said. Then Tsunomon comments on how lucky they are to eat such fine cuisine on the reg.

Yamato: “Eat a little more quietly. What if the other customers see you?”
Matt: “A little louder, why doncha? There’s a couple of people that aren’t staring yet. No, wait. Now they’re both staring. Great.“

[Jou confronts them about spending their fare money]
Sora: “Sorry! We couldn’t resist the temptation of hamburgers!”
Jou: “Y-You guys… WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!” *his stomach growls loudly and he blushes*
Sora: “See, we were all so hungry we ordered the Super-Duper Combos.”
Joe: “Great, you spent it all. THAT WAS ALL THE MONEY WE HAD IN THE WORLD!!” *stands silently, then blushes*

There’s no need to be embarrassed, Joe. Nobody heard you fart.

[He storms off]
Jou: “I’ll eat! With ALL of my money, I’ll eat!!”
Joe: *muttering angrily* “Of all the dumb, greedy, selfish little things, it’s unbelievable. You guys are supposed to be my friends my friends my friends…”

And they didn’t even get you anything!

ANYWAY, in the original, the problem was that they all spent their own money, which they needed for subway fare. In the dub, they apparently pooled their money, did not let the responsible child among them handle it, the responsible child didn’t intervene to handle it, and so they starved four of their friends to death AND stranded themselves in Shinjuku.

---

Yamato: “How do we get back to Odaiba for free?”
Taichi: “Heheheh! Just leave it to me! I’ve thought it all out!”
Yamato: “Really?”
Matt: “I’m sure not looking forward to walking all that way…”
Tai: “Ha! I know a way that won’t cost us a penny! Just leave everything to me!”
Matt: (sarcasm) “Ah, great. You’re a genius.”

We’re doomed.

[Operation: Ride With Strangers is under way]
Taichi: “Hey! Someone give me a ride! Hey hey hey hey! Come on! Let me on!”
Yamato: “Hey, hey! Hitch-hiking in these times?”
Koushirou: “It isn’t as easy as it looks on television, is it?”
Tai: “Help! Police! My cat is stuck in a tree in Odaiba, and I’ve got to get there right away so I can get her down! Hey!”
Matt: “The police? That’s his brilliant idea?”
Izzy: “If the police do stop, they’ll lock him up for disturbing the peace!”

I guess Japan, USA passed a law that allows people to be prosecuted for frivolously calling the police, so Tai is exploiting a loophole by summoning them manually instead. No guarantee he won’t be locked up anyway.

[A car nearly sideswipes Taichi]
Taichi: “That’s dangerous, you idiot!”
Yamato: “Which of you?!” [i.e. the driver or Taichi standing in the road]
Tai: “Hey! I’ve got the right-of-way!”
Matt: (more sarcasm) “Looking good, Tai!”

He’s not wrong, though!

Okay, so Tai challenges Matt to give the old hitch-hiking a try. Matt stands in the road, fist clenched by his side. The music is intense! He blushes. His fist remains at his side. He blushes more. He returns to the sidewalk in humiliation and defeat. Tai rubs it in: “Not so easy, it is, Matt?!” Matt defends himself: “WELL AT LEAST MY CAT’S NOT STUCK IN A TREE!” And that’s how it happened.

OR IS IT? Of course it isn’t; this box wouldn’t be here if it were!

First, the order of events is changed. Jou and Koushirou make their attempt before Yamato does, because Jou made a comment about the possibility of it taking three days before Taichi succeeds, and Koushirou agreed with him.

No longer bound by the shackles of shame, they go all-out, flailing and screaming “yay!” over a rockin’ soundtrack, and in doing so, they unlock the secret technique of hailing a cab in Japan. The driver says nothing, but they can’t board because they have no money, so the taxi departs.

He’s blushing.

“Hi~! Come on in, boy…”

He returns to base in defeat, still blushing.

Taichi: “Why did you refuse?!”
Yamato: “WE COULDN’T ALL FIT IN THAT CAR!!”

Likely cut because Yamato is 11, and that lady is a creep!

---

This scene includes side-commentary by Jou, Koushirou, and Taichi affirming that they should have left it to the women all along, because dudes are gross and will be all-up-ons.

The side commentary is moved to after the van pulls up, with Joe wondering what the odds are of Sora having a cousin come to their rescue, Izzy answering that the odds are 1/4,200,000 (a statistic from the Research Institute of Izzy’s Derrière), and Tai refusing to tell Koromon what a cousin is.

BUT WAIT! There’s more!

Much like Sora’s invisible Canadian boyfriend, cousin Dwane/Duane/Duayne/Dwayne does not exist. That is some rando who pulled over to pick up underage girls. In the dub, he becomes Cousin Dwane, Sora’s auspiciously-placed cousin who, let’s face it, probably also picks up underage girls. That’s why Mimi, not Sora, rides shotgun.

The dub adds a scene of him rocking out in his car from later in the episode to make it look like he spotted Sora and stopped because he cares about his extended family or some nonsense. Then they have Mimi declare “GIRL POWER!” when their ride is approved, which makes no sense.

Trivia: Japan is a country that follows left-hand traffic, and so the cars there usually have their steering wheels on the right-hand side. Both Creepy Lady and Creeper drive cars with the steering on the left, though — thankfully, they both still drive on the correct side of the road. That just means they’re most likely driving imported cars, which is no surprise for Creepy Lady’s sports car. Maybe less expected for Creeper’s van, but again: it’s probably an import, and some people in Japan just like driving on the flip side for various reasons.

The dub does not cut or flip any of the scenes showing the left-hand traffic flow, and the protagonists do not find it unusual enough to comment on.

Cousin Dwane’s orders to the boys are the same as Creeper’s and reflective of reality: they are just bonus items (original) or luggage (dub) that come with Sora and Mimi. He threatens to throw them out of the car if they make noise, which is an inappropriate way of handling both luggage and, I’m told, children.

In the original, he also offers Mimi and Sora candy (CREEPY). This is changed to sugar-free gum in the dub (GROSS), which, unbeknownst to him, is sweetened with sucralose and will make them both fart.

[Taichi whispers his customer service complaint to Sora]
Taichi: “Hey, what’s with this guy? I’m going to lose my temper!”
Sora: “It can’t be helped. Just be glad he’s taking us to Odaiba.”
Jou: “Actually… Are we sure that this car is going to Odaiba?”
Tai: “Hey, Sora. I think your cousin’s a major lame-o.”
Sora: “That is an ableist term, and he’s sort of the black sheep of the family and a little ret–“
Tai: “WHAT?!”
Sora: “–icent.”
Tai: “Oh.”
Sora: “… but he’s giving us a lift, so be nice!”
Tai: “I will, but just make sure he takes us to Odaiba.”

Shotgun is where the navigator sits, Tai. Good luck!

---

[PicoDevimon is perched on a boat for no reason]
PicoDevimon: “I’m always just getting beaten by Lord Vamdemon. It’ll be bad if I don’t get credit here… But… just where could they be?”
DemiDevimon: *big sigh* “How did I ever get into this? Knocking myself out searching for some pipsqueak kid! I got half a mind to chuck this whole lousy job! But… the master might not like that.”

You need to give a two-weeks notice in writing, DemiDevimon. Otherwise, you won’t be eligible for re-hire, and he won’t give a good referral to other employers!

Back in the van after that pointless interlude, Creeper is rocking out to Etemon’s Love Serenade in the original, because even creeps can have good taste in music! In the dub, Etemon didn’t have any iconic tracks, so Cousin Dwane is rocking out to some something sufficiently loud but vastly inferior.

Creeper mishears Mimi’s protests over the volume as her needing to go to the bathroom. Cousin Dwane already peed and doesn’t have that on his mind.

---

[An announcement comes over the radio regarding an explosion in Hikarigaoka]
Creeper: “Wow! An elephant, was it? It must’ve run away from the zoo.” *chuckles*
Cousin Dwane: “A giant what? Firebird? You gotta love the crazies in this town.” *laughs*

The ones who pick up hitch-hiking children, at least!

---

[Koromon took a shit in the car, and Creeper apparently didn’t realize that was a possible side effect of letting strange children into his car. In his displeased accusation of Jou (word gets around in the food service industry), he knocks Koushirou off the bridge, so Motimon evolves to rescue him]
Tentomon: “You’re heavy…”
Tentomon: “Oof! You had to have that extra side of chili fries, didn’t you?”

It comes with the Super-Duper combo! It’s a good deal!

Narrator: “Gesomon: a Virus-type mollusk Digimon. His special attack paralyzes his enemies – Deadly Shade!”
Tentomon: “Gesomon. Take a bit of everything nasty that lives underwater, stick them together, and that’s him!”

Don’t be a bully, Tentomon.

Deadly Shade isn’t named in the dub, but Gesomon gets a new attack using one of his arms, which the dub calls either “Claw Crusher” or “Cala Crusher” (a la “calamari”).

I never get sick of Brave Heart no matter how many times I hear it. It’s just so good and used so well in the show.

“Hey, Digimon” can fuck itself. I never want to hear it again.

I mean, it’s not that bad, but it wears out its welcome very quickly…

[Gesomon has arrived to cause a ruckus]
Creeper: “It’s a squid monster!”
Gomamon: “Leave the ocean Digimon to me!”
Cousin Dwane: “AAH! You kids are on your own!”
Gomamon: “Good riddance! You’re a lousy driver anyway.”

… wait, how would Gomamon know?

---

When the crowd is watching Ikkakumon and Gesomon, some jerkwad feels the need to add, “My money’s on the big hairy one!” Nobody cares about your love life, dude.

---

[The battle has ended]
Creeper: “Oh yeah! Those kids… Huh…?”
Cousin Dwane: “Sora? Hey, Sora! Where did all those kids go?”

You said they were on their own!

They left the poo in your car, by the way.

---

[The kids are pulled away on driftwood/convenient logs by Ikkakumon]
Yamato: “We kind of caused a big fuss…”
Taichi: “It couldn’t be helped. Well, it’ll all work out.”
Matt: “Well, so much for keeping a low profile…”
Tai: “At least we got away from lame Dwane, and we’re all in one piece.”
Matt: “TAI! Don’t say that!”
Tai: “Sorry. MOST of us are in one piece.”
Matt: “…”

They should have called him Shame Dwayne. Stupid 90’s…

Jou: “To Odaiba… SET OUT!”
Joe: “Nice work, Ikkakumon. You NAILED him!”
Ikkakumon: *weird coughing laugh or something*

Narrator: “In the end, where is the eighth Chosen Child? Vamdemon’s night draws near.”
Tai: “Next stop: home!”
*hooray!*
Mimi: “Does anybody have something to eat?”
Tai: “Oh, Mimi, not that again!”
Mimi: “I was just asking…”

Haha, hungry children are hilarious!